Even the floorboards creak in this room as you lean forward to wash your face, such is the activity around this haiku - you brought together two almost unrelated notions....almost but not quite. the strands that weave the lines together are multifold and not steadfast, like a moving story and not a single picture, so allow me to contradict your assertion that you enjoy longer verse, because this is one of your longest pieces, starting with the reasons for the sleepless night, that moonless sleep that opens so many thoughts. It is the silence that troubles me, and in that silence now jumps the sound of splashing water and as said, creaking floorboards. But the silence is not relaxed. It is tense, fearsome, putting strain on the almost calm movements. But what happened? Oh the possbilities keep evolving, all the time. And where is she now, this unknown second person of the haiku, who brought so much tension in merely be remaining silent? Again, the possibilities depend on the reader, but the atmosphere has been finely-tuned by the haiku poet. This is the sort of finish that is worthwhile.
The first word that comes to me upon reading your completion is: precious. There is just such a delicate quality about the ending that it sets me dreaming. Thank you.
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ReplyDeleteEven the floorboards creak in this room as you lean forward to wash your face, such is the activity around this haiku - you brought together two almost unrelated notions....almost but not quite. the strands that weave the lines together are multifold and not steadfast, like a moving story and not a single picture, so allow me to contradict your assertion that you enjoy longer verse, because this is one of your longest pieces, starting with the reasons for the sleepless night, that moonless sleep that opens so many thoughts. It is the silence that troubles me, and in that silence now jumps the sound of splashing water and as said, creaking floorboards. But the silence is not relaxed. It is tense, fearsome, putting strain on the almost calm movements. But what happened? Oh the possbilities keep evolving, all the time. And where is she now, this unknown second person of the haiku, who brought so much tension in merely be remaining silent? Again, the possibilities depend on the reader, but the atmosphere has been finely-tuned by the haiku poet. This is the sort of finish that is worthwhile.
ReplyDeleteCorrected the spelling Bjorn, no need to publish first comment - thanks.
ReplyDeleteOh my at the first read all this mooning and swooning takes over...then one wonders of the less obvious has occurred. Awesome completion, Björn!!
ReplyDeleteyou added beauty and mystery to this challenge.
ReplyDeleteA wonderful completion on this renga ... lots to reflect upon.
ReplyDeleteWow! Beautiful. So much in such few words.
ReplyDeleteThe first word that comes to me upon reading your completion is: precious. There is just such a delicate quality about the ending that it sets me dreaming. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteMy Tan Renga
A beautiful piece of writing Björn.
ReplyDeleteDistorted face reflection in the water will tell a fine tale...indeed.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful haiku
Distorted face reflection in the water will tell a fine tale...indeed.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful haiku
Mmmmmm, I am just relaxing into all the possibilities of this splendid completion.
ReplyDeleteyou are so inspired ! the sadness of a moonless sleep .....takes my breath away !
ReplyDeleteBeautiful finish, Brud. I love, a moonless sleep.
ReplyDeleteNice completion Björn.
ReplyDeleteNice work..!
ReplyDeleteSo much said and unsaid in these lines....beautiful!
ReplyDeleteThis is a wonder - ful piece! To scoop your face is a wonderful use of the words.
ReplyDeleteI really dig this style - nice n'tight!
ReplyDelete'moonless sleep' makes me wondering...
ReplyDelete