Saturday, August 27, 2016

You, too soon

You, my decadence of crypt
the blowtorch locust, you
condemning me to
urban jungles,
to the streets of
filth and coconuts
to blisters
and to beg for cabbage soup.


You, seducer;
you, a flesh of ladybug;
you, a curse of blurry aftermaths;
you, a carrot for this ass of me;

you, too soon, too late for me.

A great wordlist to work from -- thank you Shawna :-)

28 comments:

  1. I LOVE how many stories could be found in this. I especially dig the idea that this is about two people in love but trapped in different time periods, so they never really get to intersect physically. The too soon/too late makes me think something funky is going on with them being from different eras ... like maybe he's just reading about her in a book, but falling in love. If she's too soon, then maybe she died before he was born ... or before he was old enough to be with her like that. Maybe he's looking for her bones or something ... like, he's an explorer, an archeologist. He's giving up everything to find her ... in some way or another. Then the part about the ladybug makes me wonder if she's actually an insect species he's tracking but can't quite catch. What if she's a shapeshifter? What if her spirit actually lives inside a bug?! How awesome!

    Another possibility is that all the yous mentioned are different people. He's feeling an onslaught of emotion coming from every direction, from all the people around him.

    Or what if he's talking to himself? Or she ... maybe the speaker is a woman, talking to herself in the mirror, calling herself a seducer, a ladybug ... condemning herself. Maybe she has multiple selves. Maybe she's talking to her dark side.

    Dude. This is seriously awesome. Thank you so much for writing this. I live for these abstract poems. They're like finding a new playground to go crazy on. :)

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  2. P.S. I couldn't help but read the ending as if she is a carrot being inserted into your bum, which cracked me up!

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    1. Ha... yes I expected you would think so... though I thought more of a carrot and a donkey...

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    2. Yeah, that never crossed my mind. :P

      But later, I did realize that you were saying she was too late to have you ... which of course sent me off playing with words, in which I came up with some little "2 Latte(s)" ditty. But now I've forgotten it.

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  3. Poetry can flow from anywhere, even through these words too.

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  4. I'm reading this from a stand point of a man grown old in a now more modern time, he is the explorer who bring to light the comforts of a civilization he is now too old to enjoy himself, his giving has been selfless, yet life itself has not been easy for him, so the carrot is a sarcastic slur. And the title maps the trail of appreciating this poem

    have a nice Tuesday Bjorn

    much love...

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  5. I can see the wilderness man's glumness at being stuck in the city. An intriguing mood in this poem. I love the ladybug's appearance and, especially, the closing lines.

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    1. Yes that's a glum thing... but I do love the city with it's music too...

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  6. I really like the listing effect, especially where it becomes quite tight in the second stanza - there is a great contrast you have going there - and the final lines ties it all up so well.

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    1. We where a few different persons writing to the same list... and a list becoming a list is actually great...

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  7. Stepping away from that urban jungle and savoring a moment in nature's space, seems to be my daily respite. And yet, at times I crave the sounds of the city too--it's clank, swank & jazz, its lights & chatter...each have their moments. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. I know ... i need 'em both.. the silence and the music both...

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  8. I'm not very good at this but I see: An ambitious person, maybe a musician, tempted to the big lights like a rabbit to a carrot only to be defeated and discarded by the cannibalistic city. (Maybe country music is in my blood.)

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    1. I think this could be it.. the city is a demon...

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  9. I can see and hear the speaker, banging his chest, a bit teary-eyed and everything... as he wails the lines. Love the progression, and the striking ending.

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    1. Ha.. yes I think it's a poem spoken in a very loud voice.

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  10. I see frustration and abuse here, probably a whole lot more. This might be a one-way yearning for incestuous love which would not come to fruition?
    ..

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    1. I think anger and frustration is the biggest part of it..

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  11. Some very original metaophors there!

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  12. Sometimes a wordlist forces you to invent metaphors..

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  13. This has a very Baudelairian feel to it--very vivid and yes cryptic, but one senses the caughtness, you know, and the kind of traps that can be interior as well as ex. Thanks, Bjorn. k.

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    1. Ah.. thank you... maybe there is a certain intensity in it... lists tends to be that.

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  14. Fabulous piece created from a word list. For me, the "you" in this takes me to drugs. It is a carrot dangled, the avid search of obsession to feed the monster of addiction.

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    1. Yes, the you can be any obsession.. and drugs is one coming to mind...

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  15. I like what you did with the word list!

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